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[TIMELINE: OCTOBER 2021] By October, my sister was having a difficult time navigating pretty much everything in the assisted living side of her facility, according to the director of Resident Services. Peggy was not good in public spaces either, Maria had told me, noting that Peggy often appeared to be looking for something—or trying to … Read more

[TIMELINE: SEPTEMBER–OCTOBER 2021] About a week after Peggy couldn’t find her way to the bathroom in her small, assisted-living apartment, it happened again. I got yet another frantic phone call from her and, again, I had to give her step-by-step directions. Thankfully, she was able to find her way to it—but then she described her … Read more

[TIMELINE: SEPTEMBER 2021] As September got underway, I still didn’t have a time frame for when Peggy’s permanent move to memory care would happen, but I was sure it wasn’t far off—she was attending activities in that unit most days. Peggy actually had called to tell me all about it, and how she had been … Read more

[TIMELINE: AUGUST–SEPTEMBER 2021] By August, my sister’s cognition had declined so much that even simple-sounding tasks could be challenging for her. Halfway through the month, we were concerned (again) that she might have a urinary tract infection. UTIs are often the cause of seemingly out-of-the blue bad behavior in PwDs, though once treated their cognition … Read more

[TIMELINE: JULY–AUGUST 2021] July 2021 was a long, long month. On top of everything going on with Peggy, I ran into another unnecessary hurdle trying to deal with her Kaiser healthcare portal. I never logged into Peggy’s actual account because they have strict rules against that. Instead, they gave me my own caregiver account that was … Read more

[TIMELINE: JULY 2021] Later in July, my partner and I visited Peggy and picked up Jezebel’s ashes for her on the way. They’re in a pretty little resin container with an imprint of one of her paws on the top. We set it on Peggy’s dresser, and Liz placed Jezebel’s collar on top. It looked … Read more

[TIMELINE: MAY–JULY 2021] As spring went on, things were going about as well as they could. But in late May, I got a call at 4:15 in the morning. Peggy had fallen, hit her head, and had to be taken to the emergency room. All of the apartments in her assisted living facility have two … Read more

[TIMELINE: MARCH–APRIL 2021] In March 2021, Peggy’s caregiver Liz—who had a lot of experience with people with dementia—told me that she thought my sister was probably nearing the end of Stage 5. My first reaction was: How can that be? It had only been a few years since she was diagnosed in 2018. But when Liz … Read more

[TIMELINE: FEBRUARY–MARCH 2021] My Monty Python humor saved my sanity a lot heading into 2021—but not always. The topics of Peggy’s phone calls were so stressful, and there were so many of them, and my job was to either soothe her mood or to troubleshoot an issue that had come up for her. Many times … Read more

[TIMELINE: DECEMBER 2020–FEBRUARY 2021] The rest of December was no better. Peggy’s confusion really started to get ahold of her. Conversations like this were typical: Me: Where were you when you lost your mask? Peggy: I was on my way up in the air. Me:  What do you mean? Peggy: I didn’t mean that. I … Read more